I Lost My First Wife and Was a Single Dad—Then Found My Life's Work

Many have remarked that death is both an end and a fresh start. I came to understand this truth personally during the months after my first wife, Lee, passed away.

She was only 46 when she passed away, and our already tiny family became as compact as possible. Now, just the two of us remain: 10-year-old Molly and her father, who narrates this story.

Being an eager young man, I hadn't shown much interest in having children. However, upon becoming a dad, I found myself unexpectedly delighted by it all from day one.

Even prior to Molly's birth, I experienced a strong bond with her. By the time she came into the world, the sound of my voice likely seemed quite familiar, considering all the "conversations" I had with her while she was still in the womb.

At the time, I worked as a freelance screenwriter and had the flexibility to set my own schedule, which gave us plenty of free time to spend together during those initial years.

Nevertheless, I could have never imagined that parenthood—that of not only my own child but also countless others—would become my true vocation.

As soon as I started managing life as a solo father, an unease settled over me. somehow, I needed to assist Molly in coping with this immense grief!

Each Friday evening, we'd embark on lengthy strolls starting from our cozy urban flat to numerous delightful eateries within walking distance. This became an established routine for us. During these excursions, especially when heading back under the starlit sky, she would open up completely.

Underneath it all, I felt her yearning for answers: Why did this happen to Mom? What did I do to deserve it? Does anything make sense in this world?

We weren’t affiliated with any religious institutions like churches, temples, or mosques. There was no communal setting available for us to tackle life’s major issues. Actually, from what I observed, these topics were hardly discussed, if at all, by anybody anywhere.

Even now, I am unable to pinpoint precisely when it became clear to me that I may need to act independently.

However, I am aware of this: Similar to numerous genuine blessings in life, I didn’t fully value the SPIRIT SERIES concept initially. Had it been a gift for my birthday, I probably would have returned it. Amazon or at the mall.

Therefore, after I started hearing the "call," I acted similarly to how many of us behave when we recognize something as correct but are hesitant to acknowledge it. I diverted my attention elsewhere.

Indeed, I had my motives: writing for children was not something I intended to do nor did it appeal to me. While I cherished Molly and quite enjoyed her circle of friends, dedicating my existence to ensuring their wellbeing was never part of my plan.

Even so, as the months went by and I kept sensing the emptiness in my daughter's heart, I couldn't escape the notion that my life would forever be changed. This endeavor held me tightly in its grasp.

I possessed certain abilities when it came to storytelling. Might these talents be utilized to assist her in some way? Perhaps the tales of historical figures—heroes whose journeys and experiences offer valuable insights into overcoming adversity—could guide Molly through her own struggles? If such narratives could benefit her, might they also support other children facing similar difficulties?

However, how could I put this into practice? And where? In a public school?? After all, I was merely a parent. I had never taught inside a classroom before, lacked any educational training, understood barely anything about the workings of the public education system, and didn’t have much in terms of savings.

Later, during the spring prior to my daughter joining sixth grade, I encountered an exceptional middle school educator who found the concept intriguing and possessed the skills necessary to bring its full potential into fruition.

Ultimately, it was a commitment to myself that truly mattered. This wasn’t solely about me; history’s heroic tales often prove intricate and challenging. Attempting to capture these narratives for children wouldn’t have done them justice. The only way forward was to regard my audience as mature readers from the start.

Therefore, after nine months, we guided 120 sixth-grade students at a middle school in Los Angeles through their initial SPIRIT SERIES journey. Molly was one of those participants. This intense three-week period encompassed theater activities, personal reflection, building character traits, challenging academic work, and elements of Eastern philosophy—a significant challenge for all involved.

After every class performed this single act biographical play, a quiet girl remained behind. She enquired whether she could assist with dismantling the set. Just as we concluded our task, she lifted her gaze and softly stated: "This altered my life forever."

At that instant, things changed for me.

We had shared with them the tale of an Indian prince who abandoned his luxurious lifestyle to find a resolution for the pain inherent in existence. Now, I found myself confronting a comparable dilemma.

What am I prepared to abandon in my life? Would I forsake stability and ease for an uncertain journey without assurances of triumph?

Like the Prince who would become a Buddha, I knew I had no choice. I had already stepped into the mystery...and there was no turning back.

The road ahead would not be easy. If I had known just how challenging, I probably would never have begun. I couldn't pay myself for the better part of four years, living close to the bone, taking the odd writing job whenever it came.

However, as the changes continued to manifest in the students we guided through these three-week initiatory experiences, witnessing their infusion with the inspiration, empowerment, and insight provided by these heroic tales, I myself underwent a transformation.

During those initial years, I took pride in the endeavors I undertook to restore my daughter’s life. However, it was not until Leslie came along—my second wife and collaborator in the SPIRIT SERIES—that I started to gain some insight and understand whose life was truly preserved through all of my so-called “noble deeds.”

We started to realize the extent to which these youngsters depended on what we offered them: A sense of purpose, challenges to grow, a feeling of community, moments of awe, and opportunities for self-expression. Above all else, they relied on us for a secure journey into adulthood.

Whenever the classroom fell silent during our lessons, you could almost see the lightbulbs turning on above the students' heads—they were pondering significant life questions, whether consciously or subconsciously. Much like Molly, who was quietly, perhaps even urgently, striving to understand our complex world.

Through personal tragedy, I was guided towards a purpose much greater than what I ever could have envisioned.

Gradually, my appreciation grew. Here we were participating in an ancient and genuine tradition. Essential qualities and fundamental values crucial for the endurance of any community are typically imparted to our offspring via narratives.

Initiation—successfully facing significant challenges like those we guided these youngsters through—has always been the main route from childhood throughout history.

Through the ages, the needs of our kids haven't changed. But our world has. The loneliness epidemic and the ills of social media—these are symptoms of a deep and urgent unmet need.

Over the last 25 years, I've worked with more than 65,000 youths across the nation, learning numerous lessons. Most importantly, we should equip our children with the skills needed to face life’s obstacles. This duty is ours to fulfill for them.

Our greatest duty is to guide the upcoming generation towards maturity, providing them with the principles, self-assurance, and motivation essential for facing what lies ahead.

If we fail to guide our children, unfortunately, TikTok and Instagram surely will.

Richard Strauss is the founder and serves as the National Executive Director of SPIRIT SERIES Inc., a nonprofit dedicated to education, has been providing impactful narrative-driven lesson plans for students in fourth through tenth grade since 2001. In this time, they have reached more than 65,000 disadvantaged pupils across California to Maine.

The opinions stated here are solely those of the author.

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